Great Wedding Ceremony Ideas Pt.2: The Anniversary Box

This unity ceremony tradition is commonly known as the “Anniversary Box”, but Char and I affectionately call it “The Marriage Emergency Box”. Call us cynics (we consider ourselves realists), but in our 14 years of marriage we’ve come to believe that every couple (no matter how committed and loving) inevitable have that “oh sh*t” moment. That moment when the “d-word” is first uttered to heartbreaking effect.

What is an “Anniversary Box”, a.k.a “The Marriage Emergency Box”?

Traditionally the “Anniversary Box” is filled with letters the couple writes to each other. The purpose is to capture the emotions you felt on your wedding day, as well as the reasons why you chose to get married. It is meant to be opened at the 5th, 10th, 20th anniversary of the marriage. It’s up to the couple what year it gets opened. They sit and reflect on the letters they wrote each other on their wedding day as they enjoy a great bottle of wine together.

That’s sweet and bravo to couples who can pull that off.

Now, if you really want to know what we’re talking about, why don’t you set that anniversary date at 10 years? That’s far past the “7-year itch” hits and much longer than the length of the average marriage in the United States.

Now the real power of “The Marriage Emergency Box” becomes clearer.

How to Use Your “Marriage Emergency Box”?

It sits in that place of honor in the home, on the mantle or shelf, gathering dust for years. Through the rapid-fire life changes of new homes, and new babies, and money worries and successes and stress and fear and triumph. Until one day, sadly not a rare day, one of you loses track of why you’re together at all and says something that can’t be taken back. The rules are this:

1. Stop talking. No one can utter a word once the “Marriage Emergency Box” has been brought forth.
2. Silence must be maintained until you both read in full the letters written for you. There is to be no skimming, rushing, pouting, or huffiness by either party.
3. Silence must be maintained until the bottle of wine is finished. No chugging allowed.
4. IF, and only if, both of you agree that enough silence for contemplation has passed can you begin the conversation.
5. The conversation MUST ONLY begin with each of you reading your received letters to the giver of the letter. NO interrupting. No footnotes (i.e., “…well I didn’t know you were going to _____________ when I said that back then.”). Not allowed. Shut your fat mouth and actually listen. Please.
6. Once both of you have heard your own words for why you fell in love and wanted to marry the person before you, you may now commence speaking authentically and honestly about why you don’t feel the same way now.

We suspect that this powerful reminder might actually dull some of those sharp feelings of resentment and bitterness, if not remove them entirely if you’re sincere in this practice.

No, “The Anniversary Box”, a.k.a, “The Marriage Emergency Box” is not a guaranteed cure-all for what ails your marriage. Yet, it’s mere presence in the home is a powerful daily reminder of why the two of you chose each other in the first place.

Remember that as you walk by your box each day in the haze of “adult-ing” we call life: your marriage wasn’t a mistake and your time together hasn’t been a waste. In fact, it was the most “real” thing you’ve ever done. You’ve simply forgotten that, or you both have changed enough that you need to fall in love all over again, but that truth of your original love is always there.

This box can be a great tool at just the right time… for those who can wield its awesome power!

Want even more great ideas for your wedding ceremony?